Psycho Baby Doll



Wanna tell you I’m alright
Wanna say I’m not in pain
But I would just be telling lies
I’m not okay
I’m not okay

Wanna travel back in time
Say the things I didn’t say
I wanna tell you everything
If it’s not too late
Is it too late?

Will you be there if I call?
Will you leave me in the rain?
If I say it’s all my fault,
Will you still walk away?
I understand if you’re afraid
But people change
People change

Stay awake and talk to me
Let me hold you while you sleep
I’ve been out here on my own
But you’re my home
You’re my home

I’m not gonna let you down this time
Darling, don’t be afraid
People change
And I can change


If love had found us first

Where would we be now baby,
If we found each other first

Now I am a sinking ship
Anchored by the weight of my heart filled with these feelings
But I keep my true thoughts locked
Inside my heart’s black box
And it won’t be found
It won’t survive through the smoke or the wreckage
As I crash and burn

Where would we be now baby,
If love had found us first


Left on a message that you never read

All the back and forth, you couldn’t stay away
I couldn’t take it; like a cold wind blows you’re calling out my name
And now it haunts me, softly fading are the memories of your face
I should have listened when you whispered my name; still you couldn’t say

You couldn’t say goodbye, now I cannot ask you why
Although our time is through, no getting over you
Things will never be the same, I can’t even say your name
I know our time is through, no getting over you

It haunts me, softly fading are the memories of your face
Memories burning like a cigarette; like the ashes they call your name
Lost in a moment when you packed your bags, and said you couldn’t stay
Left on a message that I never read; you’re calling out my name

It’s over, there’s no starting over, I will live on
Although your memories live on, all the same
it’s over, there’s no starting over, no starting over
No getting over you…


Lost ourselves

(Alternative lyric video)

Feel the pain wash over me
Feel the salt that’s burning from my eyes
I feel the world move underneath me
I know there is no need for my disguise

Feel the screams as you take my hand
I understand the terror in your eyes
Feel I’ve lost myself completely
I need to know you’re right here by my side

I won’t pretend that we could live forever

I think it’s gonna be alright, now
I think it’s gonna be okay
Just close your eyes
‘Cause we are only sparks
But together burning bright

I see the daylight start to fade
I feel the cold move softly with the night
I feel the darkness start to take me
Now I know there is nowhere to hide

Feel the world start caving in
I feel the hollow nothing left inside
Know I’ve lost myself completely
I need to know you’re right here by my side

I won’t pretend that we could live forever

I think it’s gonna be alright, now
I think it’s gonna be okay
Just close your eyes
‘Cause we are only sparks
But together burning bright


Faded words

should’ve done something but I’ve done it enough
by the way your hands were shaking
rather waste some time with you

and you never would have thought in the end
how amazing it feels just to live again
it’s a feeling that you cannot miss
it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

well you’re never gonna find it
if you’re looking for it
won’t come your way
well you’ll never find it
if you’re looking for it

and it’s all in how you mix the two
and it starts just where the light exists
it’s a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it

should’ve said something but I’ve said it enough
by the way my words were faded
rather waste some time with you

(Blue and Yellow by The Used)


Don’t let me go

Love that once blossomed and bloomed
Used to mean something,
but now it means nothing
The echoes are gone from the room
But I still remember the pain of December

Oh, there seems to be nothing I could say
Is it really too late?

I can’t break free from these memories
Can’t let it go, you let me go
You said goodbye, set it all on fire
You let me go, you let love go

I came back to find you were gone
And your heart is empty,
like the hole that was left in me
Like we were nothing at all
It’s not what you meant to me,
thought we were more than this

Oh, is there a chance you would try to stay
Is giving up the only way?

You dealt the blow, never let me know
Didn’t even know, I was already alone
You said goodbye, didn’t even try
I never had a chance, you were already gone

You let love go, but we can work this through
A brand new life can be down this road
I thought we’d be something more
But if you’re sure, I won’t hold on

There’s only one thing left here to say
Love’s never too late

I must confess I had plans for us
To say to you, to do with you
But this goodbye, if you can’t rewrite
Then I’ll let them go, I won’t hold on


Ultrabook specs

So many new ultrabooks, so little time to read about them.

This is just a list of things I want to consider about potential ultrabooks (sometimes I forget to look out for them). Comments in brackets are those of my current ultrabook.

  • Processor, which generation intel (intel sandy bridge 2nd gen, core i5)
  • Operating system (windows 7)
  • Graphics card, dedicated/integrated (integrated Intel HD Graphics 3000)
  • Storage, SSD or HDD (128 SSD, no HDD)
  • RAM (4GB DDR3)
  • Thickness (0.71 inches, 18mm)
  • Weight (2.99lbs, 1.36kg)
  • Screen size (13.3 inches)
  • Display resolution, type (1366 x 768, glossy, LCD)
  • Screen brightness (300 nits)
  • Keyboard layout, separated arrow keys (good, arrow keys in their own island)
  • Keyboard menu key, media keys (no menu key, yes media/hot keys)
  • Keyboard travel (good)
  • Keyboard backlit or not (backlit)
  • Touchpad, buttons (abysmal trackpad, unresponsive, no physical buttons)
  • Ports (1 USB 2.0, 1 USB 3.0, 1 mini displayport, 1 headphone+mic jack)
  • Fan slits, noise (hidden at bottom, quiet to none)
  • Material flex (minimal to none)
  • Battery life (< 3 hours now)
  • Boot up time (~30 seconds now)
  • Touchscreen (no)
  • Bluetooth (bluetooth 3.0 + hs)
  • Wifi (802.11 b/g/n)

Side note: I HATE my current ultrabook.


Typically inaccessible

Seems like I have very boring, solitary interests/hobbies.

I love doing jigsaw puzzles and word searches. I like spending time with my computer/devices, which while gives me access to people to socialise with, is a socially limiting past-time.

I love watching speed art, digital or otherwise, but it’s awkward to get someone to watch and appreciate a good speed art video together. I like these webcomics, but they’re not the funny or cute kind.

I love watching videos that make you feel awe. I like reading things that often spark something in me that’s not typically humour. I find this interesting, do you?

I generally don’t subscribe to mainstream entertainment genres like comedy or cute, so I don’t often have anything crowd-pleasing to share. But don’t get me wrong, I’m not a grouch or a hipster wannabe. I do engage positively in those genres when shared with me, and I welcome them. But I’m hardly ever the person who discovers them and passes them on. I just don’t find such material easily. How do these people do it? Maybe I’m just not a happy/funny person so I don’t naturally tend towards funny material.

Then I wonder, why be concerned about pandering to the common masses with easy humour and cheap cuteness when I can be content sharing things that takes a bit more depth to appreciate? But that sounds elitist.

And sometimes, I just want to be interesting and cheerful so people I want to hang out with want to hang out with me.

Sometimes I just want to join in.


It’s a wonderful day for decapitation.

Yay, my apple ID problem has resolved itself (I didn’t do anything else after the blog post), it’s 4 days to my flight on Sunday evening, and I do think I have bipolar disorder. I am also falling sick. NOOOO NOT NOW.

Well anyway. If you were curious about previous post’s title, you can find the ringtone available for download here:

Oh and I do like this picture Incidentally, the sequential filename for this photo was IMG_1314.JPG. (1314 homophonically symbolises “forever in a timetime” in Mandarin. Oh the angst!)


Do not eat the tampon, you sick bitch.

I recently changed my apple IDs (again) and now I’m in a bit of a jam. My SG store apple ID is working fine, but my US store apple ID is weirding out. My season pass reminders and iTunes store receipts are still being sent to my old apple ID, which means my old email address is still in their system and still in use, even though the new email address is shown (as it should) when I log into my account on iTunes and on the web.

This, I think, is a security flaw albeit a minor one. What if I no longer have access to my old inbox? Maybe the reason I changed my apple ID was that my old email account had been compromised. Those receipts (among other stuff) are being sent there and someone else could be reading them, and they will (supposedly) know where I live because the billing address (I used a fake US one) is shown. They will also know my shopping habits as well as any new apple ID I decide to change to.

Given that I still have access to the old inbox, it’s not a big deal, but it is annoying because I really want to quit using the old email address (the username is defiantbrat, for god’s sake) and Apple is about the only entity still delivering emails there. It might not matter as much if the same emails were also being sent to the correct apple ID, but they aren’t, except the account information change notification email when I changed the apple ID again to a new new apple ID. And I think that just made things worse because now I’m getting emails delivered to the old apple ID, the new apple ID, and the new new apple ID.

What the fagging flipping fuck.

But that’s not the worse of it. I went to their support page and opened a ticket and was informed that I needed to close my account as a means to resolve this issue. Okkaayyy. I was asked to either make a call or leave my number for the Apple Security Team to contact me. The fact that I’m not actually in the United States nor own a United States number makes this terribly, terribly, inconvenient and difficult. I opted to call them since my local number is “invalid” and spent 14 internationally-charged minutes explaining my issue to two people and a machine, and in the end was directed back to the support page and asked to either make a call or leave my number for the Apple Security Team to contact me.

Thanks a flipping bunch.

The odd thing is, I’ve changed the apple ID for my SG account twice and both instances yielded no such issues.